- Stereotypical Employee Profiles is a recurring feature on PowerOgre.com. It’s meant to be a humorous look at the different personalities we all work with. These profiles are a complete generalization and not based on specific individuals. Read on.
In the continuing series of articles devoted to characters that seem to be common in all workplaces, I will next focus on “the guy who should be fired but never is”. This individual is always up to something which should get him fired from his job, or at least reprimanded. This might include stealing from the workplace, making inappropriate comments, misusing company time, showing up late, leaving early, or a myriad of other things which would get the average employee fired. There seems to be one of these types in every work place. Often they are a longtime employee who has outlasted multiple managers and personnel changes. They might be in the twilight of their career and thus really not care if they get fired. It could be that they just don’t care about their job, and don’t care if they get fired. It could also be that they are stupid. Whatever the reason, they are engaging in fire-able behavior and not getting fired.
If you or I was responsible for a company vehicle, we would treat it with respect and not abuse the privilege we had been given. This is not the case with “cannot get fired” guy. Taking the company vehicle down to the local bar after work, getting absolutely drunk, driving under the influence in the company vehicle, getting arrested and the company vehicle impounded, not showing up to work the next day because you are still in jail, asking the company to pay to get the vehicle out of impound because you are broke, and then acting like nothing ever happened would get most people fired. For “cannot get fired” guy this is a frequent or at least twice a year occurrence. Sound familiar?
If you or I had a company credit card, we would handle it with care, never let it out of our site, and never charge anything that was not company related. “Cannot get fired” guy does not abide by these rules. If he is out of money for the week, a cash advance on the company credit card is the best fix. He repays the loan of course, but not before some interest has accrued at 48% which he does not repay until it is finally docked from his pay check. He lets other people borrow the credit card, even people who do not work for his company. He is always charging personal items on the company card and then claiming he got the card mixed up with his personal card. The web of receipts, lies, and money he owes to the company would confuse even the most crooked Wall Street accountant. Sound familiar?
“Cannot get fired” guy is never at work when he is supposed to be. If you or I showed up to work 45 minutes late every day, and left 25 minutes early every day, we would not last long. “Cannot get fired” guy is never at work when needed. Important meeting? He is 15 minutes late because the line at Starbucks was long. Big presentation to corporate? He has a “family emergency” and leaves. Friday? He calls in with the flu. “Cannot get fired” guy does the least amount of work possible and spends the least amount of time possible at work. Sound familiar?
For some reason or another there are people in the workplace who seem to be invisible to the powers that be. They can do anything, say anything, do nothing, and leave early and still not get fired. It is one of the unexplainable mysteries of the universe.