Feeling The Burn

It was a typical day in a typical year, and I was out mountain biking with my friends Moe and Jatt. It had been a good day; we got a lot of riding done in a short amount of time. It was Sunday evening so we couldn’t ride for more than a few hours seeing as we all had work the next day. During a breather about half way through the ride we started talking about bikes, and I began to brag about the handcrafted wheels I had purchased for my mine several years earlier. I specifically remember talking about how sturdy and problem free they had been all this time. You will see why this was ironic in a moment.

After chatting about bike stuff for a few more minutes, we hit the trails again, speeding up, down, and through the thick undergrowth of a typical Pacific Northwest forest. I was leading the charge and not really thinking about much except the trail ahead when I began to notice that my bike was acting funny, it seemed to be moving around on the trail, weaving like a drunk man. I stupidly concluded it was due to the steep angle of the trail and the loose dirt upon which I was riding. I remember starting to swoop down a short incline and then suddenly becoming airborne. For anyone who has crashed on a bike at high speed, you know the feeling of being set free from the saddle and sailing over the handle bars, awaiting the inevitable crash into pain. Lucky for me, the area I landed on was a steep incline. This eased my fall, and my momentum was transferred into an uncontrolled downhill tumble. Unlucky for me, the hillside was overgrown with a northwest favorite, Urtica Dioica, or Stinging Nettle to the normal people, and I rolled through the thickest section of it. After coming to a stop, I slowly sat up, checking to make sure I was ok, and as yet unaware of the fate that awaited me. My friends pulled up and asked if I was dead, it was then I realized that indeed I was not ok. Every section of my skin suddenly felt like it was on fire, from my face to my arms to my legs, and pretty much everywhere else. I was wearing shorts and short sleeves which had provided literally zero protection from the Nettle. I was in agony. I managed to extract myself from the nettle pit and claw my way to my bike, only barely noticing that the wheel I had bragged about only minutes earlier was totally shredded, spokes broken everywhere. My friends guided me back to the car which was only a short ways away, and home we went.

I do not like remembering that evening because it was one of the worst of my life. I tried every method of calming the nettle burn I could think of (and find on the internet). Nothing worked. On and on the burning went. I could not sit, or stand, or lie down, or do anything. It was horrible. Finally around 3 or 4 in the morning the burning faded enough for me to fitfully fall asleep. I awoke in the morning only long enough to call in sick to work, and then slept for several more hours. Mercifully once I woke up, the burning was pretty much gone. For the next several days I was constantly scratching the sections which had been covered with the most Nettles.

In the years that have passed, I have fearfully avoided Nettle at every turn. The few times I have been stung, the reaction seems to have been much worse than before my full body Nettle immersion. Apparently I have developed a sensitivity. Oh, I also bought new wheels for my bike, and when I am speeding down a hill, or around a corner, the thought will often cross my mind “I wonder when these wheels are going to give out?” Hopefully it won’t be near Nettles.